A woman is being slammed by Reddit users for refusing to stop her husband from making “cruel” comments about her sister’s infertility.
In a post shared to Reddit’s Am I the A******? (AITA) forum on September 5, user u/RAthrowRA30136 explained that her sister and husband will not get along, which is exasperated by the husband’s “opinions” on in vitro fertilization (IVF).
Age and fertility
A recent study conducted by Johns Hopkins University found that around 7 percent of US women struggle with infertility. Surveying 53,764 women, researchers found that women aged 40 to 44 were 11 times more likely to struggle with infertility than younger women. Women who had not recently received sexual health care were 61 percent more likely to be infertile than those who did.
The latest 2019 statistics from the Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology show that the IVF success rate for a woman under 35 having a healthy baby via IVF (using their own eggs) was 51 percent. This decreases to 38.3 percent for those aged 35 to 37, and 25.1 percent for women aged 38 to 40.
Infertility in women can also be caused by a number of factors such as sexually transmitted diseases, health conditions such as endometriosis or pelvic inflammatory disease, as well as smoking.
The poster, who is 31 years old, said that her 35-year-old sister has struggled with infertility for years. The sister is used to getting questions and comments from people about when she’ll have kids, but the poster claims she focuses on her husband’s words to an “excessive” degree, particularly his “backhanded comments.”
“She once claimed he told her ‘women in their 30s+ have lesser chances to bear children,'” she wrote.
“Or that one time she claimed he mocked her infertility by calling her garden ‘barren,’ just like her.”
The poster said that her husband is the type to “dish it out” and that her sister “never liked him anyway.” However, it all came to a head during a family meal at her parents’ house.
She wrote: “My sister came downstairs later while mom and I were in the kitchen.
“She told me that my husband ‘suggested’ she backs out of her IVF treatment and find ‘better use for the money’ when she announced wanting to try IVF.
“She went on about how insensitive and hurtful his words were. I felt upset [and] I told her she was right to be mad but she needed to stop coming to me to complain about him as if he were my son, and try to speak to him instead.”
The sister “snapped” at this response and said she’d already talked to her husband to no avail. She told the poster that as his wife, she needed to “handle him.”
“I told her her reasoning didn’t make any sense but she called me selfish and cruel just like him,” she wrote.
Their mom sided with her sister, telling the poster she was enabling her husband’s bad behavior. The couple left immediately, but when they got home, the husband accused the sister of trying to pick a fight for no reason.
“He was just giving his honest opinion when she brought up the IVF, and said that if she has an issue with him she should tell him to his face,” she wrote.
“He also said that she’s probably looking for an excuse to pick an argument with me and that I was innocent and had nothing to do with this despite her trying to involve me.
“Neither she nor my parents are speaking to me as of now.”
Reddit users agreed that the poster and her husband were in the wrong, with the story receiving almost 6,000 upvotes and over 2,000 comments at the time of writing.
“Tell your husband to keep his mouth shut,” said CrystalQueen3000.
“What an awful inconsiderate man you married, you don’t seem too far behind him.”
“Totally agree,” wrote Rational-at-times. “But I think calling him inconsiderate is letting him off lightly. I think he’s deliberately cruel.”
Allthings_ii commented: “[You’re the a******], both you and your husband. A match made in heaven.”
While LetThemEatHay said: “Fertility issues are INCREDIBLY personal and your husband has absolutely no place ‘dishing it out.’
“You should be absolutely ashamed of your husband’s abhorrent behavior. And you enable him!”
Newsweek has reached out to u/RAthrowRA30136 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
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